remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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