it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
