i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
