ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
