it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
