I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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