The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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