Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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