It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
