How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
