I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
