Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
