Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
