ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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