the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
