am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
