I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
