when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
