Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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