its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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