he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
