I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
try to milk me bitch
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