i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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