dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
