we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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