2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
