She tied me up with her honor cords...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
