You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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