2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
