Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
handjob tips. give me some.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
