i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
