I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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