no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
