Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
