I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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