I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
