Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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