I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
