I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
