Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
