make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
