He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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