i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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