he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
