It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
