im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
