I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
