I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
