You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Please, let me fuck your mom
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
