I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
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She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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