She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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