All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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