My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
