I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
