I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize