He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
