"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
