I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
