So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize