He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
