my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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