Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
