Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
