we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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