I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
