dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
