You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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