I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
