Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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