did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Randomize