its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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