I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
