best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
