My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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