I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
