come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
